Before everyone comes after me with torches and pitchforks….let me be really clear. I. Am. Not. Perfect. Frankly, nobody is. My house is never completely clean, I like to get junk food from time to time, and my life is not all rainbows and unicorns. But I can genuinely say I’m happy with myself, content in life, and have things in order because no matter what, I keep doing the best I can every day. You’ll see why this is important by the end.
Here I am, nursing the baby, drinking my coffee, listening to the VSQ cover of American Idiot (irony), when all of a sudden I open Instagram and there it is. #HoTMeSsMomS!!! My eyes rolled back in my head so far I thought they were stuck for a minute. I’m not a prude…but come on. I fully understand that being a mom is hard, honestly I haven’t met anyone that said it was easy. But that doesn’t mean you can be a train wreck every day and be proud of it. Let me explain.
There have been many days where I think that “if I wash one more load of laundry, I’ll burn the house down”. Or I get so annoyed by the kids, that I have to take a “time out” in the pantry with the jar of chocolate chips. Then the occasional day comes along that requires a whiskey on the rocks and a date with my Amazon shopping cart.
I honestly believe that these are normal feelings that all mothers go through….but we don’t advertise them (often), glorify them, and let ourselves be defined by these moments….except for the growing movement of Hot Mess Moms. These women seem to love to advertise their inability to function as a typical adult, constant annoyance at their child’s existence, and their love of living in pajamas.
Stop screaming at the screen….I know I’m sounding judgmental and like a toxic mom. But keep going, this is only the beginning.
So, if these feelings are normal in small doses, why are these women causing a growing issue? Let me give you the three biggest reasons this trend needs to stop.
1. Everything stays on the internet! When those kids grow up and see how mom used to talk about them and hate everything that they did, do you think they’ll be okay with that? I don’t. I see a growing wedge being driven into a family with every post….and a rapidly approaching fallout. Not to mention, the constant negative atmosphere takes a toll on everyone’s mental health.
2. Parenting is all or nothing…stop half-assing it. You had children, so step up and be a mom. Harsh, I know…and I’m sorry that things are hard, you have a lot of responsibility, and you’re getting burnt out. It happens to all of us, but you need to find a system that works for you, so you can both function and be present. Even going as far as talking to a therapist if you’re having that hard of a time is okay.
3. You’re supposed to be a positive example, not a cautionary tale. Your children look to you for guidance…so when you put in minimal effort, your kids will also put in minimal effort. Unfortunately, I see adults my own age whose parents didn’t put in any effort, and now these adults struggle with everyday life. (Cough, cough, the hot mess moms who didn’t break the cycle)
Bring on the hate mail and the keyboard warriors, but I’m giving you a hard pill for many to swallow. You need to start the day by understanding that YOU are raising the next generation, and that is the most important task one can have. Take pride in it. Give it your heart and soul. Crush those tough days, only to get up the next morning and do it again. This isn’t for the faint of heart, but for the strong willed. You’ve got this, but you’ve also got to want it.
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