Have you ever been in a mom or wife group and asked a simple question only to be blasted by everyone and their brother? Yes, no? Let me tell you a story…
I’m frustrated, and tired. My husband, bless his heart, has been working nights and it’s been hell on all of us. Being a homemaker is definitely my calling, but being mom and dad, because dad is nocturnal, is not easy. It definitely gives me a whole new appreciation for single mother’s.
But I digress….the day was brutal, a few things decided to break down, and the kids were fighting all day long. To top it off, Hubby had to go in for a mandatory overtime day. I made our dinner, made a to-go dinner for the Hubby, and in the process of making two dinners, someone let the half stray cat in the house and he ate MY dinner. Any fan of Samuel L Jackson, will know exactly what I sounded like.
This is where I made my mistake. I went onto a, sort of trad-wife-esque page and voiced my frustration looking for ways I could bring my stress and displeasure up to my husband without sounding like Mr. Jackson. As a side note, I had left this group previously because there are some pretty nasty women on there….apparently I didn’t learn the first time, so let’s keep going.
Anyway…I posted my comment and I get a good response. Awesome! But then I get several terrible (and mostly irrelevant) responses that went something like this;
“How dare you feed your husband something he might not like.” Like….what?
“Just batch cook everything.” Yes, I have so much free time and storage space for this (Insert sarcasm here).
“Well, I’m single with no children, but you should do XYZ” and you shouldn’t even be commenting.
“Don’t insult your husband by expressing anger, be grateful you can stay home all day.” Get real, lady!
As I’m reading the comments, now flooding in, I call my husband. I told him I’m burnt out and pissed off. I wasn’t doing very good and needed some backup that I knew he couldn’t give me until he was back to day shift and I understand. He also understands, but also knows our hands are tied until the schedule shifts. So we both agreed this is terrible for both of us, but we will get through it as usual. You know, misery loves company, especially when the company has a slightly dark sense of humour.
I’d like to think we have a healthy relationship, since talking things out is usually how we resolve issues (like normal people)…but the responses from those women were so toxic, I can’t imagine any of them being in a healthy relationship. Bitter, stupid, and angry is all I could think of as I left the group (again) and closed my laptop.
Why are so many women like this? It’s everywhere…you have these mean hags pushing around others who just want a bit of guidance or comfort. What happened to support? Kindness? Compassion? You can guide and help others without being crazy. The worse part, is that those of us who are in a healthy relationship with our lives together-ish, get annoyed and leave. Then those innocent ones are left to be driven in the wrong direction. This is a trend that needs to be stopped, because we all know the divorce rates, and these toxic women giving out terrible advice isn’t helping. Even this blog needs to be taken with a grain of salt. The advice I give is based off of my own life and relationship, so it isn’t going to be relevant or beneficial to everyone who reads it. For reference I’ve personally been ostracized from several “communities” for the following reasons;
Crunchy Moms: I said it is not safe to drink essential oils. (It’s not, by the way)
Waldorf Moms: We own a television.
Millennial Moms: We follow “traditional” marriage roles. AKA a stay at home mom and homemaker with a husband who is the sole provider. (Ohhh…scary!)
Large Family Moms: We ‘only’ have four kids.
Trad-Wives: I deal with finances and can do house maintenance….and sometimes wear pants.
“Hot Mess” Moms: I have my shit together. Sorry, but true.
“Breast”feeding Moms: I said “it’s chicken breast, not chicken chest”…and I was immediately kicked out. If you know, you know.
…and many more.
So what’s a gal to do? Suffer in silence? Where’s my tribe? Do I need to make my own or am I just a circle in world full of squares? You might be reading this thinking, “yea, she’s lost it” but I don’t think I have. I think there’s a lot of us floating around that don’t seem to fit in anywhere and that’s okay, because we’re resourceful and strong. We conquer obstacles head on. We’re stubborn. We’re socially confused. But at least we’re trying to make ourselves better, every day and always show up for our loved ones. Besides…cliques are so last season, anyway.
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